Of course, she wasn't in the car with me- it's just my memory paired with my imagination coming in loud and clear. Jenny has long since passed into the great unknown world after life. My imagination hasn't really fizzled out like my second grade teacher always hoped for. I still daydream when left without a distraction for more than 30 seconds at a time.
My daydream, after I heard Jenny's laughter at my thought, turned grey. Darkish - but with an almost fairytale feeling to it. There I was, looking at all of my friends and family at my memorial service.
Of course, there were tears. Masses of them. It's my daydream and I want to be missed, so there were even wild sobs from the corner grocer and from my dog groomer. Poor Regis- left without his doting guardian, she would think. And sob some more. A solemn neighbor would hand her a tissue and she'd snot into it.
But I don't actually think a memorial service for me would be quite so dreary. Even though I'd want people to grieve their hardest if I was ripped from this world
unwillingly, they'd probably have a hard time doing so without a memory of my laugh tossed in here and there. I laugh a lot. Loudly, and with (occasional) snorting. Toss my head back and roar when the need arises.How could anyone sit through an entire memorial service in my honor without at least a little giggle? Not because they aren't sad that I'm gone, but because they would remember something about me- some experience we'd had - like one of the million times I ran into a wall while engrossed in a serious conversation. Walls are hard and it hurts terribly to walk right into them at full speed, but I laugh at myself every time.
Whatever happens, if I must leave this world before you, I hope that you remember me for my laugh. And for the way I made you laugh.
7 comments:
I don't know if I should be worried or not you acting all crazy talking about your memorial service. But, I think that those lives you've touched over the years could never forget you. Your snorting is contagious and it's not occassional ftr. I'd be the one sobbing uncontrollably in the corner but I do know that I'd be cracking up through my sobs remembering so much fun we have had together and I know that there are many more of those moments to be had.
Giggle at the service. Done and done.
Don't worry though, I will abide by our agreement and will sob uncontrollably for weeks, promise.
Baby, you are not allowed to do the dying thing. This is a difficult blog for me, very disturbing. I mean, I get your point and all, but you are my daughter and I simply cannot think of this subject. I love you.
No worries- I'm not planning on dying anytime soon.
See, fistfuls of glitter ... MUCH BETTER. Who hasn't always dreamed of throwing fistfuls of glitter in the aiiiiir.
p.s. I love that snort. But I daresay, the snort and laugh are more restrained when you are visting cookie de oreo. Musn't lose yourself, my dear.
that IS a form of dieing.
Okay......i'll remember all of the new and exciting tattoos and the new psychic experiences and the new hair colors and when you and Char had to baby sit me when i lived in Simi valley and us eating massive amounts of plain M&M's. I remember you telling me what to try and what not to (ugh hem), the movie for your birthday when you forgot to invite Leslie and so much more, your laugh is widely known, but what others do not know is how big of a heart you have and how positive you are, and how there is always something out there to explore and Lai Lani will always find it! Your imagination inspired me and continues to each day! You are an amazing woman, person, and friend but I am so blessed to be able to call you may FAMILY* I love you!!!!! And at your memorial service (WHICH WILL BE IN A VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME) I will be one of those wild sobs with the occasional chuckle thrown in because I love you and will appreciate your life!!!! I LOVE YOU AND PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE***
You know what....I totally get what you are saying here and I hope I am remembered like that as well.
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